A friend of mine asked me, where do you feel your grief? What part of your body feels the sadness? I had never really thought about it. So after that discussion, I began recognizing what part of my body felt the sadness. It was in my chest. It was in my heart. That is what happens when you grieve with a child. That is what happens when you can’t fix a situation. That is the feeling when you are helpless. Or at least this is where I carry the feelings.
Do you know what you were doing on January 24, 2020? Probably not. I can tell you exactly where I was, the sounds around me, and what my eyes saw. The moment that my heart hurt worse than it ever had. A pain that I couldn’t take away from my child. A hurt began in my chest and moved up to my throat.
We knew it was today, January 24, 2020. That was the day to unplug life. The sounds are the most distinct things I remember. The noise that the oxygen machine made as it was stopped. It was a puffing noise. What I saw were the monitors that displayed the oxygen levels quickly dropping. I saw Don as he sat watching the monitor. I would be lying if I said this was easy to write.
As I pulled out of the basketball game last night, the song “I Can Only Imagine” played out of my speakers. My mind went back to the sights and sounds of the day. The team, family, nurses, and doctors were all present. We were all there surrounding Stringer as he took his last breath and as Lauren listened to his heartbeat slowly fade away. Yet, I know it was within that moment as we stood next to him that he was looking at Jesus.
I feel that we were all close to heaven that day. The presence was in the room as Stringer’s body was shutting down. Stringer saw Jesus; I can only imagine what Stringer said to Him. I think what Jesus said to Stringer was, “Welcome, good and faithful servant. I am sorry for the pain and suffering, but now you are healed; no more pain, only joy.”
I wish our bodies on this side of heaven allowed us to have the same feelings that our loved ones feel when they see Jesus.
It is possible to carry joy and sorrow within the exact moment, but man is it complex. Our arenas are filled with grief, but the arena of heaven is full of peace and love. Can you imagine?
In memory of Marc Stringer our Superman, 1-24-2020
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